Relationship Help Forum: Mature Love?

Today's Relationship Help forum situation shows that sometimes even mature men and women can experience the same relationship crisis younger people can face. This real-life story is about *Lily (not her real name), a woman in her 50s, who's had a terrible time recently with her love life. 

All identifiable details have been changed in these real life relationship crisis stories. You can see the rest of them at this page: Relationship Help Forum.

Relationship help forum: mature love?

Here's *Lily's story: 
Do men ever hurt? I’m just out of a 9 year relationship that was tainted from the beginning. My doctor put me on Paxil to get through my divorce, then kept me on it to deal with the kids. Little did I realize that I wasn’t dealing or coping with anything. In fact, I embarked in a 9 year relationship with monumental mistakes and repercussions.

As I sit here and write, thoughts are racing through my head as to how stupid I sound. Last year I came off of Paxil, and I couldn’t believe what I saw. Needless to say the relationship ended a few months later. The pain is excruciating.

A history of failed relationships on his part

The relationship lingered so long that my adult children came to accept this man on my behalf. He is the only grandfather my little grandson knows. But he is a bad man and has a history of failed relationships. The sad thing is he admits it but is okay with it. He uses it as his excuse. I can’t believe what I have done. He is a plumber and uses his business as his own dating service. This is how I met him…..

I still love him, but I won’t go back to him. He is who he is. I cry, but once in awhile I have a good day. I want to be loved and have promised myself that I will allow myself to heal completely so I can attract a complete man - not just pieces of a man to fill the voids in my heart at the time. I will turn 53 tomorrow and I truly believe the best is yet to be. I know I can’t change anything about the last 9 years but I can change how the next 9 years will be.

So as I go forward with tears in my eyes and my heat in my gut I will remember this will not kill me. I will just become a more confident, passionatewoman.

My answer - relationship help forum: mature love?

Lily, Lily, you break my heart.

You’ve tugged at my heart strings and I really, truly feel your pain. You don’t sound stupid at all. In fact, you sound very brave for sharing your story like that.

At this phase of your life, you want to relax in a comfortable well-worn love that feels like a hot water bottle on cold nights. But you also want the flutter of excitement in your heart when you look at the man with whom you’ve shared your life. You don’t want to face what you’re going through. God willing, I know I don’t.

I admire you for resolving to heal without going back to him. I wish you all the strength in the world to do this. I really do.

As you can see, sometimes, like *Lily life deals us a hand to which we still don't have the relationship answers. We think sometimes that age will come with its solutions as it relates to relationships - that men and women will mellow out and be loyal and true in relationships. *Lily's story shows us that this isn't always the case.