Relationship Forum: Get Over A Boy Friend

The Relationship Forum is a special feature run by this blog to highlight some very real relationship problems being faced by women. These are taken from a forum I run elsewhere, but all identifiable details have been changed and the letters edited to fit this blog. I give you the problem and then the solution I offered. You can see other relationship problems tackled in here. Please do feel free to leave your thoughts on the matter.

get over a boyfriend: the road to recovery

Here's *Jennifer's story: (not real name)

Relationship forum: get over a boyfriend

Dear Anne, I’ve recently broken up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. I’m doing everything I can do to cope with losing him: Going out with friends, spending time with my family, staying busy etc. But for some reason I can’t move on.

I don’t know how to be on my own anymore and that scares me. I know it’s over with him and I am ready to move on but how do I do that when every part of me is still in love with him? I don’t feel like ME anymore ( I know it sounds pathetic but its true).

I feel as though I need to talk to him as we broke up through text message and I haven’t spoken since, but I am worried any contact will only make me miss him more.

I hate that this has affected me so much. I thought I was stronger than this. That I could deal with a little heart break. It turns out I was wrong.

Anne, please help me to get over him, I am tired of feeling this way.


Answer: get over a boyfriend
Dear *Jennifer.

It’s natural to feel the way you do. You don’t feel like ‘you’ at this point in time because your relationship with your boyfriend had become such an intricate part of your life, it was part of who you were. Now he’s not there your thoughts and feelings are all in a ‘different place,’ a place which doesn’t feel like ‘home.’ Essentially, a part of you has been ripped away. 

You'd be less than human if you didn’t still love this man. You loved him for 3 and a half years. Emotions don’t suddenly turn off because of a break-up.

A large part of the reason you feel so unsettled and unable to draw a line and move on is because of the way in which you broke up. This is certainly not the way to conduct such a traumatic event. It leaves everyone with unanswered questions.

My advice: You need to see each other face to face to say your goodbyes. You are strong, but no one is strong enough to absorb closure from a text message!

I suggest you do it properly. This is the only way you could start to draw from the strength I know is inside you, get over your boyfriend, find closure and move on with the the rest of your life. 

Time will indeed heal. Think on this, look forward to it happening, and you’ll start to see a difference.

What's the best way to get over a boyfriend?
In conclusion: what is the best way you've tried in order to get over a boyfriend? Do you believe in the quick-rip plaster method, or the slow, painful recovery? What advice did you receive and which ones helped the most? What do you wish you knew back then to help yourself heal faster? Getting over a boyfriend can be a difficult thing for many women. The more we share with each other, the better we get at finding ammunition to help us cope. Please share this article with someone going through a rough patch at the moment. You may also like to read the book below, written by Pauline Anderson, on how to get over an ex. 


Here are some more love help articles and others designed for single people.